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They were simply missing a little awareness and a few workable strategies.
The Roots Of The Issue While learning how the couple got into this position, I found out she had been repeatedly sexually abused in her childhood by more than one person who should have been her protectors, not perpetrators, for years.
Learning How to Win the Game In order to teach them both what one another needed in order to feel loved, I taught them both about my H. When I asked why, he said he was stunned because for 29 years, his experience was that she either flinched or stiffened when he touched her so he did everything he could to NOT cause that reaction.
The reality was there was still some unhealed trauma from her previous abuse that was still being triggered so I helped them understand how to heal that…and in my next session, I worked one-on-one with her to resolve that.
Bridging The Gap In our first session or two, I focused on healing some wounds, educating them and giving them some new tools. Hierarchy™, one of the most powerful tools in my relationship coaching toolbox.
Once the trust had been damaged, it was going to take a concerted effort to get it back. A Surprising Revelation As I went through the husband’s Hierarchy with him, I discovered that his preference was Unselfish Service first, Kind Words second and Human Touch third.
Plus they needed to know exactly how to create win/win scenarios over and over again that were highly valued, not just mildly noticed. When I asked his wife, she said her preference was first and foremost Human Touch…and as she said it, the look of shock on her husband’s face was unbelievable.
She had done some counseling but some of it was so bad, it literally did more harm than good.
Through it all, her husband has stood by her side, protected her and their family and loved her through it all.
Yep, that Human Touch is powerful stuff…Check out these kind words from my client herself:“I had had the benefit of life coaching but one area I was not happy with or making progress in was my relationship and after failed counseling a few years back, my hubby wanted nothing to do with coaching or talking to any so called experts.